resurfacing

After an absence of over four years, here I am, still in Athens, at my desk. What has changed? What has remained the same? Rereading what I had posted from 2012-15, I realize now why I was writing the blog (and why I stopped). 

I wrote, trying to make sense of what was happening all around me – the crisis, social change, upheaval, dismay  – and in describing Greece, Athens, its people, my neighborhood, (amazingly) what I didn’t realize was how all this was really affecting me. I thought This is what I see, hear and experience all around me: this is the new reality, the new normal. It was a commentary on life in Athens, but on a subconscious level, I was attempting to somehow separate myself from all of it, I was merely an observer.  

At the height of the crisis in 2015 – the referendum, banks closing, Greece was on the brink. We felt anger, disgust, disillusion at the politicians, at ourselves… Denial, inertia, negativity feeding off more negativity. But slowly – acceptance of new realities and figuring out how to deal with it, how to manage this sense of loss and being lost. Coming to understand how in fact ‘all of it’ has affected me too and figuring out (like everyone else) how to reclaim ourselves, how to find a way back to ourselves.  

What I realized is that for me, it began with getting quiet. When external angst is internalized, eventually I reach the point really of speechlessness. A need that is almost innate, the need to slow down, stop, try to block everything out – situations, people, the noise, the arguments, the spiraling negativity – things that just don’t have a constructive purpose anymore. Reflection, introspection.

Thus, the blog fell silent. And so, ‘all of it’ was happening (and the realization that I was powerless to change any of it) – what’s next? How best to move forward? 

Since 2015, what has been lost, what has been gained? What has transpired? On a broader level, the austerity measures, capital controls, refugee crisis, rise of the far-right, changing political leaders, etc etc… On a more personal level, life and all it entails has transpired all around me (like everywhere else). Marriages, deaths, births, mid-life crises, friendships gained, friendships fizzling out, break-ups, make-ups, scandals, divorce, triumphs, failures, travels, learning, ups and downs - and also a sense of renewal and hope. 

Maybe others might agree, but I’ve come to realize in times of crisis, what ultimately (eventually) I cling to is this: what gives me hope? what brings about a sense of inspiration? what inspires change? Whatever it is, focus on this. Direct your thoughts and actions towards it. Accept what is happening without dwelling on it, disentangle yourself from negativity, get quiet and listen to that inner voice, urging you to move forward. Onwards. 

So what does this actually mean? Finding inspiration, becoming more aware of all that is positive.  Getting involved with new initiatives, new projects – things that have sparked a new optimism in me. Solidarity, people – our resiliency, our incredible ability to overcome – this is what I’ve learned about, this is what has left me at times, quite frankly, awe-struck and humbled. 

It is with this newish insight that I felt motivated and decided to revive the blog. This time around perhaps not so much as a way to ‘figure out’ the external chaos (or any chaos within), but to continue to offer a renewed perspective, to focus on what inspires me. Not that I will ignore the bitter realities and hard truths, but rather see them and react to them through a different light.

All I know is that today’s (still recovering) Athens is constantly changing, surprising me, (in good ways and bad), evolving, revolving – always showing its many faces, always showing me something new. Hopefully, I can capture this somehow and share more of my world, my Athens.